What if your spouse doesn’t support your dreams?

I intentionally took a week away from blogging, not only to spend an extended fourth of July holiday with my family, but also to take time to pray for guidance regarding future blog topics.  As I was praying I felt strongly led to address the subject of gaining your spouse’s support as it pertains to following your calling.

As a Coach, I repeatedly stress the importance of surrounding yourself with people who will uplift you and encourage your success and hopefully that includes your spouse.  But what if it doesn’t?  What if your spouse doesn’t believe in your dreams, speaks doom and gloom over your aspirations and discourages you from pursuing them?

You see, I have the best spouse in the world!  My husband supports my life’s mission 100% and while he is not officially on the payroll, has been a trusted advisor in all important business decisions.  He has reviewed marketing copy, role-played client calls with me and promoted my business every chance he gets.  In short, my marriage has blessed my business and my business has blessed my marriage.  That’s us in the picture above cutting our wedding cake four years ago!

Let me point out that the support I receive from my spouse regarding my mission and the vehicle I chose to execute it, did not come about naturally.  I had to take the time to share the vision God put on my heart, explain my goals and plan to reach them and ASK for feedback and support.  I also had to be willing to humble myself at times when my husband cautioned me about pursuing certain decisions and submit myself to His wisdom and leadership as the head of my family.

Allow me to be very blunt about one thing – if the manner in which you pursue your calling is leading you to neglect or abandon your marriage or family, it is not of God.  God will never give you a mission that requires you to choose one over the other.  That said, gaining the support of your spouse as you pursue your dream is not about demanding that they meet your expectations but rather about making them an integral part of your life’s work.

Based on scripture and my own experience, I would like to offer you some practical tips on how to reconcile your desire to walk in your purpose with your role as a spouse and family member:

Prayer – Philippians 4:6
In all things pray for the Lord’s guidance.  Before you approach your spouse to share your heart’s desire, when your spouse has difficulty understanding your mission, and as you move to make decisions that have a potential impact on your spouse or family, pray!

Obtain Wise Counsel – Proverbs 11:14
Surround yourself with other spirit-led individuals who can share their experiences and wisdom including how to balance your mission with your home life.  Consider consulting your pastor or church elders and most of all stay in God’s Word and apply it as a filter for all your decisions.  If you are a kingdom entrepreneur, consider joining a local Christian entrepreneur group, read Christian blogs, business books and publications.

Align Your Mission – 1 Peter 4:10
Don’t assume that you are the only one with a mission!  God will never call a husband and wife to pursue opposite callings that will lead to division within the marital relationship.  Be careful not to confuse the vehicle used to execute your life’s mission with the mission itself.  It is important that both of you seek to hear from the Lord relative to balancing the sum of your lives’ work.

Inclusion Creates Commitment – Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
The more you include your spouse in the activities and decisions surrounding your mission, the more you will garner their understanding and support.  They will be able to give you valuable advice, a different perspective and caution you when you are on the wrong path.  Honor your spouse by asking them for their input and if possible, actively involve them in tasks leading to the fulfillment of your dream.

Conquer Fear – Job 3:25
Even if your spouse is a Believer and understands the general meaning of being commissioned by the Lord to fulfill a certain purpose, fears may arise that lead them to hesitate in offering you their unconditional support.  Take the time to fully explain your vision, plans and what you heard from the Lord relative to your call.  Questions such as “how can you be certain this is from the Lord?”, “how can we afford this?” or “how will this impact our family?”, etc. must be addressed openly to help your spouse gain faith in your misson.

Keep Marriage First – Ephesians 5:22-25
Above all, make your marriage and family second in priority to only God!  Consider your primary calling to minister to your loved ones. Remember that your vocation is merely a vehicle to execute God’s calling on your life, however, your life’s mission goes far beyond your ability to work.  Take it from someone who used to coach Divorce Recovery and has been through a divorce herself – no amount of success will compensate for the pain you will experience if you gamble with this area of your life.  Neither status nor money and success can replace the gift you have received from God in the form of a spouse and family.

There is nothing better than being able to share your love for the Lord as well as the dreams God has placed on your heart with your beloved.  A certain amount of courage and vulnerability will be required of you to open your heart and share your God-sized aspirations but rest assured that if your calling is truly ordained by the Lord, you will also be given the right timing and words.

It is my sincere prayer that both you and your spouse will succeed in following your calling and that your marriage, your life and the world around you will be greatly blessed in the process

If you would like support in clarifying God’s call on your life or getting started on your path to Christian entrepreneurship, I invite you to schedule a complimentary 30 minute strategy session with me.

Comments

  1. Dea says:

    Thanks for scriptures and specifics addressing when spouse’s goals aren’t aligned. I have read many goal oriented books, and they focus on YOUR goals. I do all the steps, but the guides don’t address when your spouse is an inhibitor to what you’re striving to obtain. Wish authors realized there is often a shared aspect. Thank you!

  2. Jason Brents says:

    It’s interesting how you spoke so specifically of a very important issue in our lives. I appreciate your faith in the Lord, that if the vision is really from Him, then He will bring it in the right timing. And especially that ministering to my wife is the first ministry, and any other ministry is only icing on the cake. Thanks for a helpful and encouraging insight on a very specific question.

    If you and your husband are really interested in talking with my wife and I, we would love to Skype with you about God’s call. It has been a major source of conflict for us for far too long.

    • Hi Jason, I am glad to hear that my article resonated with you. I most definitely believe that if a vision/calling is truly from God, it will align with your first ministry which is your family. If you and your wife would like to speak with me, I would encourage you to sign up for a complimentary coaching session – you can find the sign-up on the homepage of my site, below the welcome video. Thanks for your edifying feedback, I appreciate you.

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